read it, and try to understand it, cause my english kindda sucks, i mean this

life sucks, lately, errr, no no no, lately, life's good, errr, i don't know! some things sucks, and some things rock. haaa. this past few weeks is hard to forget, at the same time, i don't even want to forget about it. some things, need a change, and some things have to stay the way they are. the main thing is, my attitude, it's a big deal, it shows you what i am, it tells others, who are the real me. haihh. what i am today or this past few months, was never what i wanted to be. i just happen to be someone you hate or someone that you love. there is something wrong with me, i know, but i can't change that on the spot, i need time. god, i need time, lend me some, please. *sighh. this attitude need to be changed. haha. they do need a change, a huge one. where is the old me? that's the one question i've been asking myself, when it comes to my attitude. i used to be the one that always laugh, smile, and just be happy, have fun with this short life. but now, things are wayyyy different, opposite to what i am yesterday, i had mood swing, this second, i am laughing like hell, the next second, i'll be like " kau ni apahal? fuck! " . see, un-normal. i hate that so much. i've try my hardest to change me, to change myself to be a better human being, but it just so hard. at this kind of moment, i need my loved one to be by my side, to hold my hand, and just be by your side, i need you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you. oh please. just please be by my side. i need you. apa pun salah aku, aku minta maaf, apa pun yang aku buat, cakap, tak bermaksud nak sakit kan hati korang. aku teruk. maaf. aku cuba, okay, i'll try my best. hey aisyah yang dulu, where are you? i need you, now! i am complicated.

ini bicara hati saya yang jujur mengatakan, saya bersalah atas semuanya, saya minta maaf, dan saya perlukan anda :)